Keep your heart with all vigilance!
Let me start by sharing a funny story. I was running to my car, while my husband was waiting for me to go to the grocery store together. I jumped in the car and grabbing my hair I told Shawn, “I didn’t do my heart. “ Yes, instead of saying I didn’t do my hair, I said I didn’t do my heart.
Seriously, how many times do we get out of our house and never do our hearts? We spend hours of our time fixing the outside, the superficial, what everyone can see, but we forget to fix the inside – our hearts.
There was a time that I would smile on the outside but be dying on the inside.
I received Jesus as my Lord and Savior, and he did amazing miracles in my life, but after that I continued living my life in sin.
I never read the Bible. My spirit was made alive, but my mind and my heart were not renewed. I was still the same. I got involved in a relationship with a married man and got pregnant. I had an abortion.
The night of my abortion I was devastated. I cried out to God saying, “God, why? Why can’t I make good decisions in my life? God, why? Why can’t I be different?” And it was at that moment that I realized that the problem wasn’t the place, or the people – the problem was my heart. I wanted to reach inside my chest and pull it out. I cried out to God asking for help. “God, please help me. Please change me,” and it was at that moment that I heard, “You don’t know me. There is more.” I felt as if someone moved my face to see a corner and there it was – a Bible. I grabbed it and I began to read and read and read. I knew that this is what I needed to change and transform my heart and mind, to be different.
I needed to read, study, and be a doer of the Word to transform my heart and mind.
1 Samuel 16:7 says,
But the Lord said to Samuel, “Don’t judge by his appearance, for I have rejected him. The Lord doesn’t see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”
My heart, my poor heart, there was:
Unforgiveness
Fear
Jealousy
Anger
Shame
Everyone around me suffered because of the condition of my heart, especially my loved ones.
I was so disrespectful to my husband. I would go around telling everyone how God put me and my husband together, but at home, I will yell and treat my husband very disrespectfully. One day praying, God said to me, “Remember when Jesus walked into Jerusalem?”
I began to think of the story in the Bible, Jesus walked into Jerusalem and the people were screaming, “Hosanna – Hosanna” and the pharisees told Jesus, “Tell these people to be quiet,” and Jesus answered them, “If they be quiet, the rocks will cry out.”
And right there, God said to me, “If you don’t honor your husband, the rocks will.” And he continued saying, “Choose today, life or death in your marriage. Choose life.”
I began to think of the ways I was treating my husband and realize that I was wrong. God didn’t create me to be the head. He created my husband to be the head of the household, and me to be the “rib” my husband’s helper, and I chose life. I asked my husband to forgive me, and since that time my life and my marriage turned around in an amazing way.
Did you ever drink from a dirty cup? It’s nasty. One time I grabbed a cup from the dishwasher, thinking that it was clean, but it wasn’t. I poured out my delicious juice and took a sip. Immediately, I spat it out. Sometimes we do the same with ourselves, we clean the outside, our appearance, but we are filthy in the inside.
We need to protect our heart and make sure it is clean.
We need to watch our words. What is it that we speak about the most? Whatever we keep talking about – that’s what is in our hearts.
Please don’t read this blog and think I wish so and so reads this – they need this. Hey, God has you reading it, maybe you needed it more then so and so.
Years ago, I had this thing with one specific family member. I just didn’t like the way she talked, or the way she acted. It got on my nerves. When we moved out of state, I was happy because I wasn’t going to see or hear this person that often, but all the time that she would call us to see how we were doing, and I heard her voice on the phone, I wanted to hang up right away. That’s how strongly I felt about this person.
One day, Shawn mentioned this person’s name, and I lost it. “I hate her” I screamed. Shawn looked at me and said, “My love, did you hear your words? You are not talking like a Christian.” And I repeat, “I hate her.”
I ran to Jesus, crying, and I asked, “Why do I feel this way?” He began to show me that I had a knot in my heart, and I didn’t know how to undo that knot. I knew at that moment that I was holding anger and unforgiveness against this person. I cried out to God asking for help, and he said, “Hurt people hurt people. This woman gives you what she has in her heart. She can’t give what she doesn’t have. As I sent my servant Moses to deliver my people from bondage, I sent you to this woman to deliver her from her bondage, but you allowed Pharaoh’s words to offend you.”
It was at that moment that I began to see this lady with the eyes of Christ, the eyes of Love, and I realized that, yes, she was hurt, and rejected, and that she needed my love and compassion. The knot was done at that moment. The lady is still the same, but what changed was my heart.
What is so funny is, that years later we moved back to NJ, and we needed a place to live, and it was that same woman that God used to open the door of her home to have me and my family live there. You never know that maybe, those people that you can’t stand, are the people that God will use one day in your life to bless you.
Matthew 15:11
It’s not what goes into your mouth that defiles you; you are defiled by the words that come out of your mouth.
Check your heart by paying attention at the words that comes out of your mouth very often.
Proverbs 27:19
As a face is reflected in water, so the heart reflects the real person.
By reading the Bible and spending time with God I realized that I needed to die to my own flesh, my own thinking, my own way of living life.
I’m not my own. I’m His.
There was a time, years ago, that I got hurt at church. This was very painful. I wanted to leave the church. I could just get offended and leave, BUT please hear my heart here. When you get hurt in church, or anywhere please DO NOT go from one person to another talking about your situation. Do what I did, go to Jesus. Bring it to him. Do not mess up the plan of God in your life.
I cried out at the feet of Jesus, and he said, “Go play the harp.”
What? Go play the harp?? Yes, that’s what he said, “Go play the harp.” And I knew exactly what this meant. David, even when he knew that King Saul wanted to kill him and wanted to spear him against the wall, David was obedient to go play the harp, to use his gift for that evil spirit to calm down.
I shared with Shawn and we both agreed, and continued in our church, we’re still there and we love it, and are loved, because it’s not about me, its about my family, my children. It’s about learning to grow spiritually. Grow in our character. Learn to overcome obstacles. Learn to climb or speak to mountains. To be faithful. To be rooted in the place that God sent us.
I learned not to quit and give up, but to be submissive, and now years later, I can shake hands with those people that hurt me and say, “Thank you. It was because of you that I learned to be humble, to climb mountains, to overpass obstacles. Thank you.”
I don’t know what your situation is today, but maybe God is saying the same to you today, “Go play the harp.”
One passage in the Bible that changed my life is found in Proverbs 31:10-31
I want to be like her. A wife of noble character who can find.
This woman is:
Devoted
She is a good influence.
She is generous.
She is a teacher.
She uses wisdom.
She does everything with excellence.
She reverences God.
She fears God.
She is compassionate to those in need.
She walks in faithfulness and love towards her family.
Her determination is contagious.
Her abilities are impressive.
She is capable.
Responsible
Respected and honored
She is a good wife and a good mother.
She is a hard worker.
She accomplishes much and lives in balance with her work and her family life.
She is committed.
As a result, her family gives her proper recognition and respect.
I wanted to be this woman so bad, so the first thing I did is repent to my way of living life and submit to God’s Word.
I allowed God to change me. To transform me with His Word, and I might not be there yet, but I’m not where I was either.
“All the characteristics that describe this woman in Proverbs 31 will probably not be fulfilled in any one woman. But each wife and/or mother can seek to serve God, her family and others with the abilities and material resources that God has given her.” -FIREBIBLE
You heard my story, when I was praying for my marriage, crying to God, and he said, “Choose today, life or death in your marriage. Choose life.”
I chose life. I chose to honor God and to submit to his Word, to be a God pleaser. To die to my own fleshly desires. To do life and marriage, not my way, but God’s way, and it feels better.
It’s so important to represent Christ here on earth in everything that we do.
Maybe he is saying the same to you today, “Choose today, life or death in your situation. Choose life.”